Why In Resonance?

 In Blog

‘If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.’

Nikola Tesla

You know the feeling of lightness and connection after a great conversation?

You feel heard, understood, lifted. It’s like you have found an ally, a partner, or even a worthy opponent; someone who challenges you in a healthy way.

It all feels comfortable and inspiring.

It’s positive energy, a good vibe…

Actually, it’s resonance. This connection you feel is entrainment, the emotional empathy built during the process of rapport and we are hardwired to do this from birth, to reach for connection.

‘All living beings are oscillators.’ Says my favourite author Ursula le Guin, in her book Wave of the Mind. ‘We vibrate. Amoeba or human, we pulse, move rhythmically, change rhythmically, we keep time.’

Words also resonate, vibrate, they are something physical, we feel them. ‘Sound is dynamic. Speech is dynamic,’ she adds, ‘And mutual communication between speakers and listener is a powerful act.’

We are also very aware of when there is not a match. When we feel out of time, off-beat, out of sync. When the conversation drains us and we feel exhausted from trying to hear or understand, what is really going on.

‘Nothing rests; everything moves; everything Vibrates.’

The Kybalion

But before we open our mouths, resonance happens first, unconsciously.

Through a subtle, yet powerful exchange of signals, our nervous systems have already made decisions about the nature of our interaction.

Resonance can be felt in the levels of tension we hold in our bodies, that affect the non-verbal tone of voice, our mindset, expectations and intentions that influence this sense of connection. It’s the feeling of trust and ease when with one person, or conversely, a sense of disconnect, that triggers anxiety and caution when with another.

What does it mean when we say something, or someone ‘resonates’ with us?

Res.o.nance – some of my chosen definitions:

:the quality of sound that stays loud, clear and deep for a long time.
:a quality that makes something personally meaningful, or important to someone.
:a sound or vibration produced in one object that is caused by the sound or vibration produced in another.
: the sympathy, empathy, telepathy, or apathy that happens during interactions.
: the concept of Zanshin in martial arts, means lingering awareness, or relaxed alertness after the execution of a technique. The state of being ever present, with mind body and spirit.
: ideas that set up a vibration.

We are, our relationships. We are entangled. Whether we like it or not, we are constantly and instantly affected by those we interact with. Our moods are catching. Through a phenomena called ‘emotional contagion’ if we feel joy, anxiety, confidence, they will too.

This information is critical for leaders who want to create, or strengthen emotional connection with others; to foster trust in relationships; and to build an atmosphere, or culture of positive growth in their organization.

And it all starts with regulation of the self.

Understanding our own conditioned nervous system, and its impact on our behaviour, allows us to create more choice in how we respond. and how we want be seen and heard by others in the world. The more choice we have, the more flexibility we have to reach our goals.

By learning to monitor and manage our own emotions and sense emotional changes in other people, it becomes possible to recognize what people are feeling; and, by learning to navigate and manage our own emotions, we influence the emotions of others.

Although resonance is mostly unconscious and nonverbal, coaching can help us become more aware of the sensations in the body, and the thoughts in the mind, that accompany our responses.

By slowing down, and observing in the moment, we can start to recognize the signals of warning and/or welcome, that we are wired for, and wait for; in ourselves, in our environment and in others.

The game changer for performance, whether in the field for top-sport, on the stage for a musician, or in the office for business  – is to be in charge of our own biology – to be in tune with our own mental and emotional state and know how to regulate it, to make stronger choices.

Personal coaching can make sure your mind, body and voice are aligned with your purpose and intentions. So you are resonating at the optimum level to feel embodied and empowered.

Resources & Further reading

Developing resonant leaders through emotional intelligence, vision and coaching’.


Richard E. Boyatzis, Melvin L. Smith, Ellen Van Oosten, Lauris Woolford)

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